Demi’s Cup Runs Empty

By now you know that Demi “Will Bare My Breasts For Food” Moore and Bruce “De Facto Action Star” Willis are calling it quits after 11 years of marriage. No word yet on who’ll get custody of their three kids, Rumer, Scout, and Tellulah Belle. After being saddled with names that promise automatic school beatings, though, the kids would be smart to get their own attorney and put themselves up for adoption.

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