I sat mesmerized by MTV’s pre-awards-show celeb-gasm a couple weeks back. The pressing questions of who would win which award naturally went un-asked. Instead, we the viewers were left to wonder whether Britney Spears would find just the right shoes and, conversely, why David Bowie was invited at all since he hasn’t had a video in rotation on MTV since Britney was Little Miss Soybean. But while the years may have been a little unkind to Bowie, Britney has reportedly embraced her womanhood while keeping a firm grasp on her enthusiastic core audience of pedophiles. In keeping with her image, Ms. B claims the stark contrast between recent photos of average-size Britney and the same globes after the addition of some subtle scars is only due to a natural growth spurt. Others probably have their own theories, but Joe smells silicone.